Zenith Comics Universe: Golden Lies

The following is a transcript from a late November 1983 broadcast of “The Nightowl” radio talk show on WMSH 1460 AM in Capitol City. The interviewer is right-winged host , Jack Porter.

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Porter: (Slightly monotone voice) Joining us in the studio this hour is Robert Hoyt, who has written a book entitled “Golden Lies: A True History of the Golden Age of Heroes”. A book that… well.. a book that takes everything you thought you knew about the Golden Age and turns it on its’ ear. That about sum it up right Bob?

Hoyt: (Nervous) Yes Jack, that’s about the long and the short of it.

Porter: (matter of factly) So Sun Man was a homosexual?

Hoyt: That’s correct.

Porter: Dr. Dynamite was assassinated on purpose?

Hoyt: Yes

Porter: Supergang and the Sentinels fought the Swastika Seven together… (nonchalantly) well we’ve all heard that one before…

Hoyt: (laughs a bit) Yes one of the worst kept secrets of the…

Porter: (Interrupting him) Ubermann was created by Doc Titan’s brother and was brought to America after the war?

Hoyt: Yes (swallows as if setting himself) Piter Titansky was trapped in Poland where he lived with their mother after the divorce in 1928, while Phineas…

Porter: (Cutting him off) But here’s the biggest bombshell of the book… There was no Castle Fear? Are you listening friends. The Victory Squad never fought at Castle Fear and … hang on to your seats on this one… They were killed in Berlin fighting Ubermann over Hitler’s bunker! Can you believe that!?

Hyot: (Hesitant sensing a trap) Yes… that’s true Jack…

Porter: (Not stopping) And they were all killed! Major Victory? Killed there. Kid Victory? Yup! Spangle? (speaks staccato) Torn in half by Uberfrau. (back to normal) That’s right!

Hoyt: This was all seen…

Porter: (still going) And Lady America! That’s right, our own beloved Lady A was killed as well. (goes deep serious voice) Think about this for a second. (pause) Lady America. Dead in 1945. So who has been running around as her since then?

Hoyt: Well they…

Porter: (Explosively interrupting) A succession of replacement women! Trained for the job and surgically altered to look just like the original! Can you believe it listeners?

Hoyt: (Emphatically) Yes Jack! And this is all true!

Porter: So why not have the other three, Major Victory and Kid Victory? And the girl, Spangle? Why not have them running around too? Why create this whole Castle Fear story?

Hoyt: (Sheepishly) That I don’t know Jack.

Porter: (Decidedly) You don’t know. (sighs) You just don’t know.

Hoyt: The rest of this information comes from a good source though! I…

Porter: (Interrupting aggressively) Your source was none other than Lady America herself!

Hoyt: (Triumphantly) That’s right!

Porter: (Condescendingly) In 1982! 1982! Everyone knows that was not really Lady America at all! That was an evil clone! Set loose by the Citadel no-less! And you expect us to believe anything this woman had to say?

Hoyt: (Fighting back but not strong) What… what about the Russian soldier who witnessed the fight in Berlin?

Porter: (Dismissive) A Commie soldier? What are you crazy? Those pinkos would say anything to discredit our great nation, especially in our greatest victory! Poppycock!

Hoyt: (almost a mewling sound) But you don’t… I need to…

::Microphone Feedback::

Porter: That’s it! I’ve cut off your microphone! Now I want security to get this lunatic out of the station right now! We gotta go to break! (Yelling away from mic) GET SECURITY IN HERE!

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It should be noted that Robert Hoyt committed suicide three weeks later when the publisher of this book, Heritage Press, refused to pay him for the book, leaving him penniless.