On February 11th, 2009 my mother passed away. 13 years earlier she had been diagnosed with throat cancer and we got lucky and she beat it, but she lost her voice box. Still she soldiered on for 13 years, took up painting and made a better life for herself.
Then the cancer came back.
Last night, February 19th 2010, my father had another heart attack and had to be flown from the local hospital where he lives to Quebec City where they are going to perform an angiography tomorrow and hopefully only have to add another stent.
Needless to say I am stressed.
Now, in June of 2009 I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, brought on not only from poor diet and exercise, but also do to the stress accumulated from my mother's passing, having a job that was just too stressful and then losing that job thanks to lay offs.
I have made a good run of it and have managed to keep my blood sugar levels in check and get my A1C down to 5.45% which is the same as being non-diabetic. This does not mean I am not diabetic, it just means I am holding off the complications that will come later in life.
Stress does not help at all.
I can't sleep. I couldn't eat today, though I forced myself to. I am smoking way too much, which is not good either. All in all I am a wreck today. Like a car that has been driven hard and bounced off too many barriers I feel all dinged and broken.
I know this will pass and I am staying positive in my mind for my father, believing that he will only need another stent and perhaps this will be a wake-up call for him to start taking his heart meds like he should.
It has been a hard year for him. My mother, his wife, was also his best friend and partner in life. They fought and carried on and acted like savages sometimes, but they loved each other and saw each other through some pretty hard times.
I spent a month with him at Christmas, not wanting him to be all alone at that time of year without Mom. I could see the sadness in him, the depression and the guilt for a million things he blames himself for from their years together.
I can't say I was surprised when I got the call this morning from one of my sisters telling me he what had happened, but it threw me for a loop nonetheless.
Why am I posting this here? I dunno, I just needed to write it down I suppose. Get my feelings out in a form that allowed me to ramble on and still have a point.
Nevertheless, I still can't sleep.
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I'll be sending good thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteWow.
ReplyDeleteI understand a little of what you are going through, and I am praying for you.
Please don't feel that you need to keep this to yourself.
--This blog involves you and our interest and concern for you.
Find strength, take care of yourself.
I hope that sharing has helped with some of the stress. I can relate to some of your situation from the decline my mother went into after my father (also her best friend) passed four years ago. All I can say is that I'm thinking of you and sending good vibes - and make sure you look after yourself! Take care, Tim.
ReplyDeleteDealing with family illness is never easy and I wish you the best during this trying time. I can't speak for everyone--or even you--but I find that keeping perspective (i.e., my sense of humor) intact often helps. At least it did for me when I lost my father and grandmother a month apart a few winters back. In the last year I've been exercising about 3-4 times a week and that has done wonders for my health, but even more so for my outlook.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes with you and your family and feel free to vent anytime.
Wow I can't imagine what you are going through. Passing of a parent is very tough. I wish you well with your health and peace to get through it all.
ReplyDeleteMorgan
I just wanted to say thank you everyone for the kind and positive words. It is really appreciated and helped more than you will know.
ReplyDeleteThe news is good. Turns out the blockage is in the same place as last time, so they are going to enlarge or spread the existing stent and not have to put a new one in.
Still given that he doesn't take his meds and his age this will probably delay my moving to Vancouver until next year. C'est la vie. I would rather be close just in case something bad happens.
I am off to see the Employment Office tomorrow and see if I can get into a French As A Second Language program, which if I do will extend my benefits.
Wish me luck and again thank you all very much for the warmth and kindness.
Cheers
Sending you the best possible energy and goodwill, brother. Sounds like things have been tough in your life recently. Keep fighting...
ReplyDelete