On February 11th, 2009 my mother passed away. 13 years earlier she had been diagnosed with throat cancer and we got lucky and she beat it, but she lost her voice box. Still she soldiered on for 13 years, took up painting and made a better life for herself.
Then the cancer came back.
Last night, February 19th 2010, my father had another heart attack and had to be flown from the local hospital where he lives to Quebec City where they are going to perform an angiography tomorrow and hopefully only have to add another stent.
Needless to say I am stressed.
Now, in June of 2009 I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, brought on not only from poor diet and exercise, but also do to the stress accumulated from my mother's passing, having a job that was just too stressful and then losing that job thanks to lay offs.
I have made a good run of it and have managed to keep my blood sugar levels in check and get my A1C down to 5.45% which is the same as being non-diabetic. This does not mean I am not diabetic, it just means I am holding off the complications that will come later in life.
Stress does not help at all.
I can't sleep. I couldn't eat today, though I forced myself to. I am smoking way too much, which is not good either. All in all I am a wreck today. Like a car that has been driven hard and bounced off too many barriers I feel all dinged and broken.
I know this will pass and I am staying positive in my mind for my father, believing that he will only need another stent and perhaps this will be a wake-up call for him to start taking his heart meds like he should.
It has been a hard year for him. My mother, his wife, was also his best friend and partner in life. They fought and carried on and acted like savages sometimes, but they loved each other and saw each other through some pretty hard times.
I spent a month with him at Christmas, not wanting him to be all alone at that time of year without Mom. I could see the sadness in him, the depression and the guilt for a million things he blames himself for from their years together.
I can't say I was surprised when I got the call this morning from one of my sisters telling me he what had happened, but it threw me for a loop nonetheless.
Why am I posting this here? I dunno, I just needed to write it down I suppose. Get my feelings out in a form that allowed me to ramble on and still have a point.
Nevertheless, I still can't sleep.